E.Post #2

Trauma, a word that we are becoming more and more aware of, and for many of us, perhaps we are not really sure what it is.  It’s so easy to get swept up in scrolling and following the latest buzz of ideas, lifestyle tips, and even words, without taking the time to consider; - what they mean, how they impact our lives, the lives of those around us and what now?

I really think trauma is one of those words. 

I mean, what is it? 

Have you ever wondered whether trauma is external, or internal, or whether it is an event or maybe a reaction? 

If you have time, why don’t you pause just here.  Read back over that last sentence, have you ever asked those questions?  Or do you, like me, have an assumption that you’ve picked up from what others have said or what you’ve somehow just thought.

I’m labouring here on the definition of the word and what our individual understanding of it is and isn’t. Why? Because for my personal journey, understanding around this has been an important key to unlocking some areas in life that had quite honestly just been bolted up tight, with keys tossed far away!

Bessel Van Der Kolk describes trauma as: 

‘Something that overwhelms your capacity to cope and nobody else takes over for you at that particular point and then you get stuck, and the whole sense of your nervous system continues to experience the ongoing world, through the lens of that particular overwhelming experience.’

The results of trauma can be seen in very simple day to day interactions, particularly if we ‘find ourselves responding to what may be quite trivial, as if it is a catastrophe’.

Bessel goes on in the podcast ‘how to heal your past, improve your mental wellbeing & unlock your full potential,’ by saying that it is the ‘ongoing reaction that really defines what trauma is about.’  He says, ‘the mind and the brain are changed by trauma and from then on, we live in this traumatic internal world.  Therefore, the trauma lives inside.’

I always thought of trauma as BIG traumatic events, you know, like war and natural disasters, the kind that make the news, I guess.  Maybe there is a case for ‘big T’ Trauma’s and ‘little t’ traumas.  The traumas I have learnt so keenly about recently are ‘little t’ traumas but that have a big LIFE impact.  They can stem from, not having emotional needs met in childhood, bullying, allergies, illness, being misunderstood, this is just a scratch of a trauma possibility surface. Sometimes the simplest trauma, imbeds itself in the house keeping part of our brain, changing it in such a way that it causes the internal chaos that I have spoken on, learnt about and experienced so keenly.

Maybe you are reading this and consider it irrelevant.  Maybe you are someone who doesn’t identify with experiencing any form of trauma. 

If you haven’t experienced any of the following, frustration with people, irritability, being out of tune with others, blowing up, not making space for other people, feeling numb, isolating when overwhelmed, then maybe you haven’t.  If, however, you have had some ongoing experience of this list, then you have also experienced how these create tension in interpersonal relationships.  Issues with others, for example, friends who ignore us, work colleagues we find hard to get along with, people stuff, you know, so often we blame the others, (after all that seems to be the more obvious and easiest reason) but then, if we are honest with ourselves, at some point, we need to ask the question, what is it with me?

Bessel shares on the podcast that our very energy changes once we have processed and dealt with trauma from the past and that this has a direct impact on others when we are around them.  I find this truly fascinating.

I could just keep writing about this and I will.  But for now, I’ll close this blog here, for I am sure there is plenty enough for you to chew over.  I’ll be moving on to talk about the impact of trauma on the body and on our image of our body and how this has been an incredible part of processing some of my own traumas and body image stuff, just recently.

Until then, if you are reading this, it means you are a member on my site.  I am so glad you are here!  I really love sharing what I am learning and how it is making a difference on the ground in my life.  In my mentoring space, these things are making a difference in the lives of others too, but it is only my own life that I can talk about in a public space.  I am so grateful you are here, because while what I am learning is benefiting my life and those around me, the people I mentor and maybe even those who read my ramblings, well that idea, is great for my heart and makes me smile really big, so thank you so much.

Until next time,

Amanda Jane x