E.Post #1
Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of the book, ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ shares in a podcast with Dr Rangan Chatterjee about trauma and how it ‘lodges itself in a very elementary area of the house keeping part of our brain’. There are several great points from this podcast which I plan to expand on in following blogs. But, for today, I’m stepping out vulnerably to share with you, one aspect of this podcast that intertwines with my current personal circumstances.
One of the things that is wildly different about how I operate is the authentic sharing of my own personal journey. I understand that, for some readers and viewers of my videos, that my open honesty can be confronting, awkward, and for some ‘triggering’. I also realise, and over time have/and am growing in wisdom around how I share. For professional therapists there certainly is a whole lot of ethical and protective measures around what to and what not to share and when. Often sharing is done post the circumstances, like once through the rough patch. Rarely during, and yet, history and experience has repeatedly taught me, that, quite often when I have been ‘wisely’ vulnerable amid what I am going through, others seem to have found this a path to follow. Sometimes it is being honest within themselves or with a trusted other, and at times in my mentoring space. Wherever it is, stepping into a space to be FULLY known and seen offers a radical amount of healing potential.
In this podcast Bessel and Rangan discuss how a researcher asked a group of people to write about their trauma and another group to write about their trauma and how it is affecting them right now. It was shown in this study, that for the people who simply wrote about the trauma, nothing changed, but when people could connect with how it is affecting them today, they were able to make different decisions and it had an impact on many areas, including their immunity!!
So where am I at? Well, I am currently a part of journalling master class and enjoying the group parameters that are guiding me in this deep personal therapeutic practise. As a part of this, I recently journalled for 15 minutes on a specific painful experience in my life, a trauma of sorts, and I was directed to journal where it was still playing out in life today. Initially I wrote about the events and what other people had done to me. As I kept writing, I began to become aware of what was happening within me, I noticed that internally I felt such deep seated shame. It was as if the shame took a form within me and began to shrink inward., down into the depths of my bowels almost….
Then, I sensed the anger!!!
What was surprising however, was, the anger was not toward the people who had caused the initial hurt, but it bubbled up and was directed straight at myself. In this moment like never before, I was seeing how, yes, it was tough that the event had happened in the first place, but the real damage occurred because of the ongoing way I treated myself.
Imagine with me, an internal ‘soul against soul’ punishment regime. Far below my awareness, my ‘trauma’ wasn’t what others had done, so much as it was how I had treated myself as a result.
What I was learning all over again was this ‘punishment regime’ was also masquerading as a ‘self-protective’ mechanism. As if by conditioning myself this way, I would change myself for the better and avoid being hurt by others again.
I was hurting myself in an attempt to avoid being hurt by others.
I could tap away on these keys, expanding this concept and adding information and sharing more of my experiences for days. This is really just a snippet of the incredible nature of how incredible it is to be a human and the capacity we have within for healing.
But in light of needing to wrap this post up, what was the takeaway for me you ask?
If trauma is lodged in the house keeping parts of our brain, then it is impacting the way my house is kept. And that matters.
I enjoy this self-paced therapeutic work, and I have a safe space to share and unpack this further, both in my personal life and professionally. Without this ongoing journey of learning and self-awareness, I am left to wonder whether my house would even still be standing.
Today, I share with this with you because, my greatest desire it to be active in extending hope. Second to that, it’s the foundation of my passion for inviting anyone into this therapeutic mentoring space.
‘The most beautiful souls are the ones who walk out of the fire and then return with water for those who are still in it’. @coffeewithmyfather
#trauma #naturallytherapeuticspace #heartmatters #healinghouses #journalling #authenticrawreal
